After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
