hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
