Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i dont even know how to be here
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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