fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
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You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
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It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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