Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize