I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
