so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
