Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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