She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
