3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
