I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
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His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
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The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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