I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
