I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
