you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
