hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
