Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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