apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
