ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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