well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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