stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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