Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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