Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
