I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
