she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Randomize
