you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
