What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
