I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
