yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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