If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
you had me at cake vodka
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
