I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
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Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
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Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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