i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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