Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
