Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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