I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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