I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
