i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
