i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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