3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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