put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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