We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize