You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
