I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
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Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
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Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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