i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
