i robbed the continental breakfast last night
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
