the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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