I should be sponsored by Trojan
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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