Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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