i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
My hand turned me down
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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