Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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