Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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