I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
