I wish my penis had an off switch
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
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It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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