hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
