i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
