I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize