Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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