i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
