I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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