Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
