Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
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I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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