omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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