I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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