stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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