Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
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Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
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Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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